I haven’t written on here in awhile. Mostly for good reasons, as I began this blog when I was sick, because I had cancer, to help people keep up with my story. Now fast forward 2.5 years. I continue to be “cancer free,” as far as we know. My check ups are good. I still worry. I still freak out at aches and pains. I still get anxious about each appointment. But life has been good, easier, and definitely busy, with a few bumps along the way (pun intended, keep on reading!)
First off, I got married in April. I haven’t posted since March at my 2 year “cancerversary” or whatever you call it. Our wedding was magnificent, minus the anxiety of the rain, which cooperated and cleared up just in time. We went to Thailand for a 2 week honeymoon. It was gorgeous, so fun, so worth it; and our honeymoon was definitely productive because WE GOT PREGNANT THERE!! We found out just 1.5 weeks after getting back from our honeymoon!
For friends and family, this is old news. We started telling the world back in early July, but for any fellow blog followers, this is new news!
We planned to have kids right away. I always wanted kids. I knew I wanted to be a mother. I was so fearful cancer took that from me. Chemo ravages your productive system and can prevent the ability to have children. Thankfully, i was not only able to conceive, but we did so on our first try. We never in a million years thought we would be able to get pregnant so easily. I know God had this plan for me. He knew not only how much i wanted, needed to be a mother, but he knew i was meant to be one.
I am 19 weeks today. We are having a sweet baby boy due in January! We are so thrilled, excited and blessed. I have had an overall easy time so far. Both Dylan and i have said that pregnancy is not how we expected it to be; not how the movies we have seen have depicted!
We cannot wait for this new addition and chapter to our lives. It makes it easier to focus on my future knowing I have a future and I carry him every day with me. I know the fear lingers daily in the back of my head; the what ifs. They will always be there. I continue to try to stay connected to my friends I have made during my cancer journey.
Many attended my wedding, I attended their weddings, I text and message them fairly often, and its nice to now have other topics to discuss besides cancer (like weddings and babies and work and relationships) with them.
Since I last posted, on some sad news, I have lost 2 of my friends I made through our journey with cancer together: Polly and Tina.
I had the pleasure to meet both Polly and Tina in person, though I live far from them. Polly planned to be at my wedding (and of course, despite her devastating news was apologizing to ME and worried about how my day would go). She found out the day before my wedding that her breast cancer was back, after surviving breast cancer and then leukemia, and was gone within days. I miss her so much. I think about her all the time. I re read texts we sent. I look at her picture on my fridge. I was in the airport in Hong Kong when I got the news that she had passed, it was hard being so far, she was gone so quick, but I got to say goodbye to her at her celebration of life and I am so thankful for the positivity and strength she showed me throughout the almost 2 years I got to call her my friend.
Tina also had breast cancer, hence how we met, and she was a ball of fun, so hilarious. She was always so positive, and fought hard and for so long. Tina once sent me shark earrings just because they reminded her of me with the cutest note; she was just so thoughtful and always so kind. I think about them both a lot.
I continue to try to be positive about my future, and now my babies future. I can’t wait to start this new journey, though cancer will never be behind me fully; the continued fear, the lingering problems, the friends I have lost. But, cancer can now hopefully be a more distant memory, as time goes on.